


I Hate Everything About You

by Lisapahud



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 15:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisapahud/pseuds/Lisapahud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny muses about his relationship with Sonny</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate Everything About You

 

 

**I Hate Everything About You, Why Do I Love You?**

When I got home that night, I was a mess. Thankfully, I had managed to avoid Mac for the end of my shift and, thus, avoided the conversation I was sure we would have to have. But I just didn’t want to think about it at that moment. It was something I couldn’t get out of but that didn’t mean I had to spend the whole night worrying about it.

 

Unfortunately, I just couldn’t help myself. My thoughts were constantly going back to Sonny’s interrogation.

 

Sonny…

 

More than having my time with Tanglewood revealed to Mac, it was Sonny himself that was on my mind. Sonny, the reason I joined Tanglewood in the first place, the reason I quitted Tanglewood, the man I spent years trying to forget, with little success.

 

God, I still just couldn’t help it…

 

When I met Sonny I was young, foolish. I wanted to fit in and when he took an interest in me, there was no saying no to him. I joined the gang. The others weren’t especially keen on having me there. For them, it was like having a toddler tied up to their leg, while they were trying to run a marathon. I was a bother but nobody said anything, not with Sonny there to defend me at every turn.

 

No wonder I felt so hard…

 

He was my knight in shining armor. I was following him blindly, not caring whether what I did was right or wrong. It didn’t matter for me. What mattered was that I was with Sonny and that he _wanted_ me there. That was something I never had before, someone wanting me around.

 

Yet all goods thing come to an end…

 

It may have taken me years to notice, but in the end I understood. Sonny may have liked having me around but he never liked me. I was a pet project, a toy, which he wanted to shape and play with. Once I realized that, I left. He didn’t try to hold me back, I didn’t except him to.

 

Yet, I still loved him…

 

Then, years after that, I saw Sonny again, looking at him from behind a mirror. He couldn’t see me but I had the feeling he knew I was there, he knew I was watching, waiting to hear what he had to say.  I knew what he had become, I knew most of the things he had done through the years. I didn’t need his record for; I just needed to know him.

 

I hate it, I hate them…

 

All the things he had done, what he had become, I just hate it. I hate all the things he stands for. They are at the opposite of what I stand for.

 

Yet, I still love him…

 

Every night, I lay awake, thinking about him. I yearn to have him in my bed, at my side, again. I crave his touch, his scent. My skin aches for his hands…. What wouldn’t I give for one kiss from him? But I know it will never happen. I know that now matter how much I still love him, I hate everything about him way too much to let myself run back to him.


End file.
